arcana imperii :: the book of j



[...] i never planned on this but its the way it goes and now it all seems so familiar like pages turned on calendars we get the same twelve months to fuck things up year after year. and i can't believe how down i am like the well i'm being lowered in, the water stops, the bucket drops us farther and farther down. well i guess that you never knew me, or at least not well enough. so i fill my gut with dark red wine until my brain shuts off and my eyes go blind. you won't see me there in that thick black air. i'll finally make something disappear. because i've been practising disappearing and i think that i've got it down but now there is no sun just a cellar. nowhere a sky, just that black, black dirt. expanding outwards just echoes for answers. not that it matters if it's back or it's forwards. unhappy lovers with baskets of flowers use them as markers --the place where our bed once stood. a time when it still felt good. but you'll get that feeling back. yeah, you just need some time to think and to add up the hell, get it straight in your mind. but to calculate costs that may take some time. but i'm sure you'll get to feeling better. yeah i just need some time to drink. so i fill my gut with that blood red wine 'till my insides swim and my veins unwind. i'll be riding there in that hot white air. once that something's gone, it might never reappear. and then you'll realise what i've given up for us and it may just be too too late.