arcana imperii :: the book of j

an email to president bush re: enforcement of god's laws

----- original message -----
from: [name withheld by ai]
to: arcana imperii
sent: tuesday, 09 november 2004 15:13 et
subject: enforcement of god's laws

dear president bush:

thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding god's law. i have learned a great deal from you and try to share that knowledge with as many people as i can. for instance, when someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, i simply remind them that leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. end of debate, right?

however, i would like to ask you for some advice regarding some other elements of god's laws and how to follow them:

1. leviticus 25:44 states that i may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. a friend of mine claims that this applies to mexicans, but not to canadians. could you clarify? why can't i own canadians?
   
   
2. i would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in exodus 21:7. in this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
   
   
3. i know that i am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (leviticus 15:19-24). the problem is, it's not always easy to tell ahead of time. i have tried asking, but it seems most women take offence at this. what would you recommend?
   
   
4. when i burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, i know it creates a pleasing odour for the lord (leviticus 1:9). but my neighbours claim the odour is not pleasing to them. should i smite them?
   
   
5. i have a neighbour who insists on working on the sabbath. exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. am i obligated to kill him myself, or should i ask the police to do it?
   
   
6. a friend of mine feels that, even though eating shellfish is an abomination (leviticus 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. i disagree. could you settle this? are there "degrees" of abomination?
   
   
7. leviticus 21:20 states that i may not approach the altar of god if i have a defect in my sight. i have to admit that i wear reading glasses. does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
   
   
8. most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by leviticus 19:27. how should they die?
   
   
9. i know from leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may i still play football if i wear gloves?
   
   
10. my uncle has a farm. he violates leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field. his wife also violates god's law by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (in her case it's a cotton/polyester blend). my uncle also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them as precribed in leviticus 24:10-16? couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws as instructed in leviticus 20:14?
    

i know you have studied these things extensively and thus boast considerable expertise in such matters, so i am confident you can help.

thank you again for reminding us that god's word is eternal and unchanging.